You have to know i do not cry! I learned to not cry years before, because he enjoyed making me cry and that was one thing I could control. Darrel noticed I was crying and said “oh what, you’re going to cry now?” I told him the reason I was crying was because I have no choice but to empty my bladder now and I can’t believe I’m just going to sit here and pee on our bed. With that he charged over to me, grabbed me by an arm, pulled me off the bed and pushed me towards the master bathroom. He leaned on the door jamb and said “so go!” and stared at me. I was shaking, pulled down my underwear and sat down on the toilet and… I could not get the stream to start, I was too scared and his staring at me wasn’t helping. I was in so much pain; I looked up at him and said, “I can’t seem to get it to start, maybe if you could shut the door?” He stood there a few seconds more, then backed up and slammed the bathroom door so hard I thought it would break. Okay, Lana, you can do this, start the stream, relax, start the stream. It finally came and that was the moment that Darrel decided to do the oddest thing, he stood outside the master bath room door and pounded it with his fist, a constant pounding, pounding, pounding while I peed.
In the early 1990s there was a new catch phrase “Co-dependency” everyone was talking about it. Phil Donahue had a whole show on it, there were groups for it and Melody Beattie wrote books about it. It caught my attention; I bought her first book and read it. Then I bought her second book and read that one as well. It really spoke to me; I was living with this man at the expense of my life, mine and the kid’s happiness. I was just as sick as he was.