It was late January, two months after having a baby that I started feeling down, just inadequate and not living to my potential. I attributed this to the post baby blues and tried to encourage myself as best as possible. I wrote down my goals with timelines and was convinced I could develop the mindset it took to achieve these. By this time my partner had noticed I’ve been down. I told him not to worry. I’m handling it. He kept asking so one day I finally opened up to him, that conversation went south and it turned out to be more degrading and hurtful than anything. It pretty much ended with “Just snap out of it”.
I kept quiet, put the baby to sleep and went for a drive. I ended up driving longer than I thought and returned home to an upset bf. He said nothing though and went to bed. I didn’t sleep and I guess that angered him more. He approached me about 5am and we began talking. I wont get into the details of the conversation but the turmoil started when I told him I didn’t want to marry him anymore because of how he has been treating me. He shot up in a rage yelling and screaming to “get the fuck out” (Side note: We got this apartment together, he actually didn’t qualify on his own) . I sat with the baby in my arms and told him to calm down. Next thing I knew he was in my face “Don’t tell me to calm down you fucking cunt!” A ball of spit shot in my face as he ended his sentence. He immediately grabbed my neck and at that point I thought “Is this really happening?” With our baby in my arms?